Impact

This birthday goal of writing is going to fade. I have nothing I want to write about....

Despite feeling accomplished last night, I woke up to a lot of "Ah Crap" moments. My router table project is looking less than perfect, with an 'invisible seam' that seems as wide as the Grand Canyon. I put down the wrong reference for my scholarship application. I lost my paycheck from work, and I am trying to figure how to pay bills that are already past due.

I want to have goals that extend beyond the plight of my own existence, but I continually find myself falling back into the same trap of self-absorption.  So, what positive thing am I imagining for the future?

Why even do all of this? I keep telling myself that it is better to do things than watch paint dry at home. As far as I am concerned, the world doesn't care if you rot alive, and it is your job to keep yourself going.

I'm trying to get skills that will help me have a positive impact in the future. But what positive impact? And what future? I should be asking myself, with my limited capacity, what can I do now? What am I willing to do?

I'm drawing a huge blank. This is a question I need to keep asking myself.

If I am unwilling make an impact now, what makes me think I'm going to do so in the future? Seems typical, I just wanted to feel important today.