A Long Update

The car is back!

And it's black!

It used to be blue, but now it is black with a dildo and a butt plug in the glove compartment. The thieves even cleaned the interior and decorated it with HVAC tape.

The best guess is that, it was used as a hooker car. So, we had sterilized the interior.

As far as the police go, the impound strategy worked. When you have a problem and need the police to fix it, you say go and arrest it, and then pray that the police don't use excessive force.

(An image comes to mind of police using battalions to beat a car)
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 To be selfishly honest, I'm slightly sad the car is back. The car guzzles oil excessively, which means there is a crack in the engine block. Which means, that the car is going to stop running sometime soon.

I have a good car, but without a job, I'm worried about keeping it in proper shape. When Sam's car disappeared, I gave Sam my keys and worked aggressively to fix one of the rusty bikes in the yard. None of the bikes are in good shape, but I was able to get one bike going, so that it is somewhat functional. The gears are shot to hell and it's rusty, but who the hell cares?

I biked this week to South Sound Community College to attend an orientation on programs that will help me to get re-skilled. I don't trust the school and what it tells me on the job market. I've been mainly interested in short term programs (1-3 quarters long that will get me into manufacturing--manufacturing academy, marine welding, composites and CNC machining) or, with extensive research. I've been looking into the horticultural programs.

I know in some respects, I have a great interest in electronics, but the amount of money and time I'd have to sacrifice to make those skills useful for industry, probably isn't worth it. I'm thinking of joining the Seattle Robotics Society, just for fun.
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Other than that, I've been freaking out about jobs and money. The trip to Iceland with Sam is going to take a full month, and although Sam is looking forward to the vacation, I'm stressed about losing funds that I desperately need to re-skill myself and pay rent.

In the months leading to October, I need a minimum of 3 grand  just to pay rent. I don't have options of moving or avoiding this bill, so I'm stuck with awful job choices,

I got hired to work with College Pro Painters, but then I did my homework and found the College Pro scam. They are an expensive franchise that has a bad brand name and offers minimal support to inexperienced college-age franchise owners. Typically, the franchise owners end up with massive amounts of debt, and due to inexperience, they become reluctant to pay their workers, ..Which is just too bad.

Yesterday, I had a tour and an interview of Recology. I don't know if I did well at the interview, but I was impressed with the company! I want to work with Recology, just so I could own some of their stock. Though, it would take me a year of working in rather bleak conditions, and I would be one of the few women working there. However, they are a morally conscientious and are growing, which is an incredible rare thing.

The staffing agency at Amazon offered me another job at a different facility. After the poor treatment and the fucked ankle, I sort of want to tell Amazon to fuck themselves. However, if I go back to Amazon, I can wait till I get a properly fired. Being properly fired might enable me to get funding for an education.

So all these worries are mulling around in my head. Inaction is going to fuck me up, but so is doing the wrong thing.
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This weekend it is the NCA (national caving association) camp-out trip in Trout Lake. It's a 4 1/2 hour trip and 244 miles of driving. It's 488 miles total. I'd rather not drive so much...Though I got to start planning and packing for it...see what I can do at the last minute.
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Last but not least, Sam and I went roller skating. It was wonderful! Good for the ankles, good for the soul.

Greed

I'm renaming this blog Greedy Tales because I feel like it.

Before it was Collector of Tales...

No More Car

(image source = https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jOhJVhsDfM4/maxresdefault.jpg)

Sam's car was stolen, and what little faith I've had in the police has vanished with it. The police are violent, brutal, and incapable of helping people.

Friday night, Sam's car was stolen from a parking garage, and Sam had to file a police report. The next day, the car was found, and we were told to go pick it up at an extended stay motel in northern Seattle.

When we went to retrieve the car, it took us an hour to get to it. However, when we reached the address where the car was supposed to be, there was no car.  Apparently after the police left, the people who stole the car, took it again.

After being placed on hold for hours and dealing with their deranged phone system, we went through the process of filing a second police report because we needed the police to keep looking for the vehicle.

If the police find the car again, we asked them to impound it (at our expense) because it is the only way we are ever going to retrieve the car. Basically, we told the police, but not in these words. "Do what your good at. Arrest the it (the car) when you see it."

Other than this, a video has emerged showing a man being tased to death by police in Georgia, and this video, as violent as it is, raises issues for how the mentally ill are being treated on a regular basis. http://nyti.ms/255AUAc

You can't Run. You can't Hide.

My back brain whispers, "It's evil."
My desperate brain (who wants a job) "Shut up! Shut up! Maybe the software will be used to rescue injured kittens." I imagine the interviewer handing me a box of mewling kittens and telling me that the technology is going to be used to find lost children and develop worthless apps.

"Oh don't be stupid. This is tracking technology. It's a hunting technology. They want you to target people, hand them free junk and take a profile of their face. Being able to recognize the front of the face isn't enough, they want this technology to identify by seeing half of the face." I imagine myself stepping into an office, my interviewer hurried but gracious. They take my picture to demonstrate the technology, and then once it is done, I'm in their system. I'm their slave.

Swayed by alluring benefits and pleasant hours, I sign the contract that binds me. As a modern-day vampire, I go out into the world looking for victims. I look for humans to hand over their precious identity for a key-chain.

"This technology is going to develop not matter what you do. You might as well be a part of it."

" I know. I can't stop it, but I don't want to be a part of its development. I don't want to be on my deathbed, thinking how I'm an asshole. One who helped to develop the technology, which tracks us all. I can't even defend my intentions. I'm not trying to stop terrorism. I just want a daily cappuccino".

So as these thoughts turned, I decided not to flirt with a job that I found morally objectionable. I just turned my back and walked away,--Back to the nothingness that is my life.

I love Motion!!!!

I'm finally running and taking classes at the gym again. It's fantastic! I complain about sweating, but I love the movement! I love the expression, the playfulness and freedom of physical exertion. (especially dance)

I love the social interaction at gyms and dance clubs

However, I'm trying to be careful. I don't want to get injured again.. My right hip, my right knee, and my right ankle all pop when moved. It's clearly a bio-mechanical,and it's clearly something to watch. It's like hearing the knocking sound in your car, just before it stalls.

I've been also trying to look at myself in the mirror more. Despite being self-absorbed, I don't like looking in the mirror closely, but by looking more, I can see problems. My back is doing that hyperlordosis -kyhosis thing.

I might get a job as a house painter for the summer, and if I get the job, I'm hoping that it will  reduce my sitting, which will reduce some of my problems.

All This Noise

I like ranting...ranting..ranting. This song has been ringing in my head, just everywhere I go, it's noise.

Anyways, this post is going to be dedicated to my projects. Mat and I, we made a little $15 microscope. Here are some of the pictures we took.

It's not super impressive, but when we have slides and thinner bolts, it will be easier to focus on the fine details. 

Here are some pictures of us making this microscope. 

Yep, that last one is all thread being cut by an angle grinder. 

Apart from microscopes, Mat and I have been playing with lichens. I have been joking with everyone that I'm going to become certified lichenologist. Sam is the only person actually taking me seriously. I think he's thinking of giving me a book..Oh la la. I've got to keep ranting.   

We made a lichen lamp and then proceeded to glue lichens and moss to cement, using a milk glue.  Casein acts as a binder. Who knew? 

Although our milk is a good binder, we are not sure if our lichens/ moss will survive. Lichens are notoriously slow growing, and it will take us time to figure out what is going on. 

Lastly, I'm trying to fix up one of the bikes for Sam or myself to use. All the bikes that we have are non-functional because of rust. I used a whole bottle of chain oil, to get that chain lubricated enough, and I'm still not confident it won't snap when continuous pressure is applied to it. 

Also, in the fantasy realm of my mind, I've been daydreaming about making music video about ankle strengthening. The music video would be edited to "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor and would contain personified feet doing strengthening exercises. Too silly? 

I think so. 

The 'move function' and the hurt ankle

I know how I hurt my ankle.

When I was at Amazon Fresh, they were always pushing us to keep rate. Rate was the time you spent picking up groceries. You ran around with a grocery cart and picked up groceries in a giant refrigerator, and if you couldn't keep rate, they would fire you. After 10 hours of doing it, it gets grueling, and most people get fired.

For the longest time, I was one of the achievers. I made rate. I learned fast, and everybody said I worked hard.

One day, Amazon trained me to do the 'move' function. You take a bag and moved it to another shelf. It was hardly anything worth training for.

At the time, I was very conscious of bending my knees to avoid hurting my back, but I was less aware of the hazards of non-symmetrical lifting. Since the scanner told you where to go, and you had no previous knowledge of where you were going, the system was biased towards lifting one bag at a time. The bio-mechanically proper way to lift one bag is to lift at the bottom and distribute the weight evenly.  However, since you are in a rush and the bag had handles, you tended to take those handles and lift like a shopping bag.

(image source = https://askmypt.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/leaning-over.jpg)

Now, lifting one or two bags on your side will not cause problems. It is when you repetitive lift bags for 3 or more hours a day, that problems will develop. You'll discover one side of your body that stronger than the other, and when your tired, you lift only on one side. 

By lifting 19-45lbs on one side for several hours daily, you effectively train your body to lift lopsided. The harder you work, the more you adapt and the faster you get at performing this movement. 

Soon you'll develop a muscle imbalance that you are not even consciously aware of. For all intensive purposes, I thought I was walking fine. Sometimes, my joints made popping sounds, but it was nothing I worried about during the hustle and bustle of the day.

When Amazon finally placed me back into the 'pick' function, I tried to work as hard as I did before, but my rate was slower. I thought I was just tired, but then it happened the next day too. I sweated in that refrigerator, trying to keep rate, but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep rate. 

Soon I lost the job at Amazon Fresh. 

A week or so later, I tried to get back to working out in the gym, but my body was still adapted to lifting on one side. During a combo Mixxfit and Rizzmic class, I jumped several times, and even though the jumps were light, I was not aware of my tendency to lean. I hurt my ankle.   

So there you have it. I hurt my ankle because I worked hard. 

I worked hard in a position that taught my body to move in an unbalanced way. 

Don't train your body to do one-sided movements. When you want to run or jump, and you will break every time.

If your not bio-mechanically balanced, you can have all the will power in the world, but you'll lose every single time.  

It's my lesson for the day.

Sweeter Than Honey

Bowl with Kufic Border. Samarkand, Uzbekistan. 

Earthernware with slip, pigment and lead glaze.

                                           9th-10th Century.

(image source = https://www.studyblue.com/notes/note/n/chapter-8-islamic-art/deck/9512578)

According to the book Art History: A View of the Work - Part 1 by Maryilyn Stokstand, the inscription says, "Knowledge: the beginning of it is bitter to the taste, but the end is sweeter than honey" (Stokstand 294).

Ironically, the plate is made with a clear lead glaze.

My ankles are doing well, but today, by following the path of pain, I have discovered a new body part! --The vastus medialis oblique! Apparently, your quads are called 'quads' because it's made out of 4 muscles. They are the vastus lateralis, vastus medialis, vastus intermedius and the rectus femoris.

Through the discomfort of various tendons and muscles, I'm slowly growing a greater awareness of anatomy! It's awesome!

I'm still somewhat afraid to use my body. 

(image source = http://optiming.com/images/quotes/green-lantern-quote.jpg)

However, I do to need exercise. Exercise lowers my blood pressure (post workout), and that lowered blood pressure is helpful for keeping a balanced mind.

These past two days, I've read almost 3 books. Today, I felt antsy and walked to the gym. I tried reading a book on the cycling machine. I wouldn't call it a workout, but it does help you sweat. By the end of it, you smell. What more can you ask for?

Before the 'reading' session, my blood pressure was 134/77 63bpm (systolic/ diastolic/ beats per minute), and afterwards, it was 122/77 66bpm (Though, blood pressure reading can get funny after working out--Also,who knows how accurate the machine is at the rec center?) 

Anyways, I'm positive that those blood pressure readings will lower once I start aggressively exercising again. ..

The books I read were these...

Cultures of the World: Eritrea

by Roseline Ngcheong-Lum

The Mythology of Plants: Botanical Lore from Ancient Greece and Rome

by Annette Giesecke

Secrets of Aboriginal Healing: A Physicist's Journey with a Remote Australian Tribe

by Gary Holz, Robbie Holz 

Of these, I've enjoyed the book on Eritrea the most. Even though the book is just an overview of the Eritrea culture, it has exposed me to some hidden gems of history. For example, the mangrove restoration effort in Hirgigo. During the 20th century, Eritrea has suffered horrific deforestation. Forests used to cover 30% of the country, and now only covers 10%, The impact of this deforestation has caused a desertification, where the land becomes barren and can no longer sustain life. 

The American Biochemist Dr. Gordon Sato started the Manzanar Project. This project aimed to improve the lives of the desert coastal dwellers by planting Mangrove trees. The Mangrove trees create habitat for fish and combat desertification. It also provides fuel, and since the trees only require salt water, they don't take up valuable fresh water resources. Apparently, the project has been a huge success! You rarely get to hear such stories on ecological regeneration. 

The Mythology of Plants by Annette was a fabulous book too.  I enjoyed the stories surrounding the Narcissist flower, Grape, Cypress, Myrrh, Apple and Bay Laurel. I feel that appreciating Greek mythology really makes you understand where stories/myths of the bible come from.

The book Secrets of Aboriginal Healing by Dr Holz was good too. However, I don't fully believe Holtz's story. It feels too linear. The book is all about positive thinking, and its power. However, I keep thinking that it's too hopeful. It feels like it is designed to extract people from their money. It sounds more like wishful thinking, not positive thinking. ..Though personally, I suffer from being negative and that might cloud my judgement. It has great quotes and insight, so maybe I'll do a further write up on it sometime.    

Away to Nowhere Comic

A friend of mine writes this comic, go take a look.
http://awaytonowhere.tumblr.com/

Not Fitting the Mold

My ankle is in the final stages of healing.

I suspect that a culprit (one of them) for the injury is that my shoes are too narrow, and that this problem has been ongoing for years. It probably started before college and has slowly progressed. When I think of all the ways I've abused my feet and ankles, a cinematic montage of misdeeds passes before my eyes.

Similarly when I look at my life, from the microcosm of my feet, a theme emerges. I've been trying to fit into molds that don't fit, and as a result, I've become weaker and less functional over the years.

 I know that socially, physically, and probably mentally I've been regressing. I don't think it's old age, I think that the molds I have followed and have envisioned don't work.

A list of molds/models come to mind...

shoes
chairs/ cars
bras

Even more abstract things...

romantic relationships
non-romantic relationships
job expectations
life path expectations
gender
age determination
mental capacity
a definition of modern independence

and other things I have yet to find...

I could rant about each one of these things, but my point is that fitting into molds can be debilitating. And yet at the same time, these models are needed. Wearing shoes is not evil. Feet need a degree of protection, especially in our modern environment.

How can I support myself, continue to do exciting activities, and have a a meaningful existence?

Anyways, I do have some tangible goals. That tendon on my right ankle, it needs to be less tight..My ankle needs to be strong enough to support the shifting weight of my fat ass. How do I achieve this? I'll fool around until something seems to be working...or not.

My current plan is this...

I'm going to try to widen my feet with toes spacers,get wider shoes, workout my ankles and feet barefoot, and then try to loosen up my hips and legs.   ..while periodically taking pictures or getting documentation to try to monitor progress.

Welcome to my new foot fetish.

So, above is both my ankles. You can see that the tendon is tight. Normally, I wouldn't fuss over a detail like that, but my ankles have been giving me grief.

Above is Mat and Sam's ankles. You don't see pressure from the peroneal tendon. 

This is the top of my foot, and then you see my foot in spacers. I don't want to obsess over my feet and ankles, but I do think I'm reaching that tipping point, where if I don't obsess now, it's going to be so much worse in the future.

Anyways,onwards to good feet and free spirits! 

(The above picture is not an example of a free spirit, it is the oppression of job hunting and nicely combed hair. Long live the bums! )

I am Certain That Cleaning Sucks

 I thought I'd share some pictures from the last few days. Sam is doing great. The inspection happened flawlessly. I hate cleaning, but as I was cleaning, I discovered a passion for the history of the Silk Road and decorated the room with silken motifs. Sam thought that some of my decorations were rather feminine, so I added a globe and a dragon kite. Sam heart was easily won over to silken luxury...oh yeah.

 Besides my passion for textile motifs and polyester knock-offs of silk, I discovered that cleaning and metal music function as a flawless unit. I highly appreciate GWAR, Rotting Christ and 3 Inches of Blood, especially with a broom.

Sam is almost done with his month of hell. He has been stressed out, but is doing great. And quite frankly, he is looking great. I on the other hand, am his lazy companion. I have yet to discover who or what I want to be.

Despite protests from relatives, I suppose it's ok to be a little uncertain in a certain world.

For my work cleaning the room, I'm going to make a stupa charm/ amulet to celebrate that effort because I am great....

Red Red Wine

Recently, I went bowling with a couple of friends from Le Cordon Bleu, and one of the ladies who attends the school, told me about a fabulous diet which involves drinking red wine.

Now originally this diet invites the dieter to have this wine as a complimentary item. I purpose altering this diet. Instead of having red wine as complimentary item, I purpose making it central. Whenever you get hunger pains, just sip a little wine. I see no negative ramifications that can come from this.

Bon Appetit, and Lets Party.

hypochondriac

If I'm not going to talk about my fears on this blog, even if it seems silly, what's the point in writing?

Even though my ankle seems to be getting better. I'm still nervous.

I'm worried that the peroneal tendon of my right ankle is subluxating (subluxation).

Why am I worried about this?

Days ago, when I was looking at it, I made circles with my foot and a popping noise could be heard at the back of the ankle. Also, when I felt it the back of my ankle I could feel something like a tendon going over bone. I'm not sure that's what I felt. I'm certainly not knowledgeable about this, but it certainly worries me.

So now, I'm not making circles with me right foot, and hoping it goes away.

And yes, I would very much like a real doctor to reassure me. I'd very much like to start running, hopping and jumping again.  

Ankle or Pimp Cane: I'll take either

This is not a flattering post.
I've got to process the information and write to let it go.

My ankle is injured. It's frustrating.

I can walk without pain, but I feel like if I push my right ankle too hard, it's going to break.  I canceled an outdoor climbing trip, and I'm not sure when I'll go to the gym again...I guess when I feel confident that I can jump without injury.

I don't have insurance (I tried very hard to get it this enrollment period but documentation was awkward), and so going to a doctor is a big deal. If my ankle doesn't improve or gets worse by next week, I'll investigate my medical choices.

Fortunately, it seems to be getting better. It is looking less swollen, and I'm feeling less pain overall.
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What do I think is wrong? 

Judging from the location of the pain, the way my foot likes to roll and past history, I think that my peroneal tendon is pissed. It's either peroneal tendon or a support structure. When I do feel pain,  I feel it under that lateral malleolus bone protrusion. Sometimes, I can feel an ache under my foot that follows the pathway of the peroneus longus. Sometimes I can feel an ache by the 5th metatarsal, associated with the peroneus brevis.  (Yes, I have been looking at anatomy pictures. I hope I spelled everything correctly.)

(image source = http://img.medscapestatic.com/pi/meds/ckb/11/43211tn.jpg)

In the morning and evening, my ankle feels achy. During most of the day, I barely feel anything at all- --except if I jump or lean on it. When I make a circle with my toe, I hear a popping, which concerns me greatly but am really hoping that goes away.

I'm going to treat it like it peroneal tendinosis.
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What's my plan?
1) I'm trying to stay off my foot... I've probably been most faithful to the lying around aspect of recovery....

Though, it is not braced or taped, which might be a mistake. It won't be my first mistake, it probably won't be my last...but I'm making it.
I've been doing Hot Yoga, and I'm hoping to start swimming soon...because yupiness is how I roll

2) I want the peroneal tendon to be loose, and so I've been putting my leg in a hot bath and been trying to massage my peroneal muscles...Also, who doesn't love hot relaxing bath?

3) My peroneal muscles are huge. I need to strengthen my other lower leg muscles to oppose the tyranny of the peroneals. I'm hoping to do balance exercises, foot exercises and all that fun stuff.

4) My upper hips need to be loosened. So, I'm going to work on the hamstrings, psoas and such. It be great if I could balance my hips out.

5) My feet are small for my body. I want them to expand. It's occurred to me that my feet might be a little wide for the average women's shoe. Right now, I'm aiming for flat and wide. ...Though, I might make different decisions in the future.

6) When my ankle gets strong enough I'm going to start jumping exercises..like... dear god.. box jumps

7) I'm going to do 14 days of mobility exercises...starting now..no, I mean tomorrow.. no, the day after tomorrow...I will find something to like about it.  Right now, doing mobility exercises alone feels like being exiled with a La Cross ball.  I'm so lazy. Yesterday, I started mobility exercises and was so tortured from the boredom that I ended up sobbing.

Mostly I've been just doing nothing and being a bum. (I've been clothes shopping. People have been complimenting me on my fashion taste lately -- which is odd)
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What is my emotional state? 

A little disappointed, a little sad.
I'm doing nothing with my life.

My job hunt has been a complete failure. There is nothing like having no skills, a bad attitude and a limp to entice prospective employers.

The only thing that cheers me up is Sam, videos of clumsy puppies, and if my ankle doesn't get better, the prospect of getting a bitching -ass-gold pimp cane.

Amulets/ Pendants: The power given to material things

(image source =http://www.mir.com.my/rb/photography/leofoo/Thai-amulets/amulet-cases/oldcasing_A.jpg)

(From website http://www.mir.com.my/rb/photography/leofoo/Thai-amulets/amulet-cases/index.htm)

After the house burnt down, I really hated material objects. My housemates put an unholy importance on objects, and when the cats were dying, those material things stifled judgment. 

The worst part of my displeasure is that I'm a sinner. I constantly buy things that I don't really want. It's horrendous addiction, you don't stop, even when it sickens you.  

Now that time has passed, I still despise my urge to shop, and yet I do it anyway. It costs me dearly, but I know I do it because I don't know how to live and survive without it. 

I can't get emotional comfort, food, warmth, transportation or the cultural motivation without shopping. I am wholly dependent on shopping, and there is no shame in trying to survive and live.

That said, my displeasure of material objects is not fully rational. I value art. When does a material thing become art? I have no clue, but art seems to be a very human. We create and play, it is built into  who we are and what we do. Just look at music, it has no practical function but to inspire.

Recently I read the book, The Yemenites: Two Thousand Years of Jewish Culture by Ester Muchawsky-Schnapper and it elucidates the lifestyle of the Jewish Yemenite people and their historic customs. One particular custom, that I found fascinating, was the usage of amulets. This is jewelry, that has magical powers of protection. It becomes an object that is beyond itself. 

So that said, material objects may not have a use, but when you infuse them with an intention, they become more than their molecular components. They have meaning. They have language. They are gateways into our emotional selves.

That idea has inspired my current interest in history, archaeology and cultural art. I'm currently reading Art History: A View of the World: Part One by  Marilyn Stokstad, and I really do feel that this book is opening up awareness to cultures I might have ignored. From people long ago, art is the only thing that will help us to understand their mentality. I seek guidance from our ancestors. 

That said, amulets are interesting...

Personally, I feel so cut off and socially isolated, that it is hard for me gather the positive energy  that I need to do hard tasks. (this is sounding very hippie) So, I'm going to start a personal holiday for celebrate my accomplishments and create objects that will harbor the energy/intention of those accomplishments for future success. This holiday will happen four times during the year, that correspond to the changing of the seasons. 

For now, I'm just making a list of amulets or magical pendents. (Geeze, I used magical. I'm deviating..)

So my first amulet is the amulet of feathers, earned for the bravery of rock climbing. (I don't have details spelled out for it yet). My next goals need to be worked out, but I am planning to prescribe amulets for my accomplishments.

Monk Sewing. Japan. Kamakura Period, early 14th century. 

(Image source= https://classconnection.s3.amazonaws.com/773/flashcards/5144773/png/untitled30-1450022C798424B88EE.png)