Toddler Tantrum

The rock climbing class was fun, but I am worried about getting the gear for the class. I need a lots of stuff, and my budget/ time is so tight.

After class, Sam took me on a date at the casino. We ate the food, and the atmosphere at the casino was unique.

I'm not proud of this, but at the casino, I had a bit of a tantrum. I got all upset and cried at Sam. ...Ranting about how no one takes me seriously and how I miss school. My time with Sam is so precious, and it's frustrating when I act like that.

Though we talked it out, and when we got home, I fell asleep. I suppose, I've been pretty exhausted. I felt better after having a 3 hour nap, and now that I've woken up I feel better but still am tired. I'm going to go to bed again soon.

Just before bed, I want to write about how I didn't mean to get upset around Sam, and how even though I was tired, venting really exposed some needs.

My parents are intellectuals, and I'm working in a warehouse that tells me exactly what to do and when to do it. I haven't been feeling very thoughtful or educated lately. I need to actively educate myself. Without that drive, I'm losing a whole dimension of existence.

Also being uneducated makes me feel very vulnerable. What you don't know will hurt you.

I can, and I will learn new things. And that doing this is very very important.

ok, that is all... I can go to sleep now.

(Just some quick notes that I don't want to forget ......I just finished a sexy book on dragon lovers! The mountaineers program center was incredible. I really want to explore the neighborhood. I'm excited about climbing with new lady friends...Also Sam is not better at everything. Whatever part of your brain that thinks Sam can do things and you can't, it needs to stop. Sam is better at certain things because he works hard. He is develops faster physically b/c of testosterone, an uncanny ability to rest and a fundamental understanding that technique makes life easier ..and learns shortcuts...So stop thinking that Sam can do everything. It's oppressive to you. It's oppressive to Sam.)