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Today was better. My brother was nicer and Wen, my nephew, was a big sweetheart. We went to the aquarium, then went shopping for Wen's clothes. Then later, my brother and I watched Star Wars together.

I had a lot of fun watching Star Wars, and for the first time when we were alone, it seemed that my brother relaxed. I don't know what my brother wants from my companionship, but it seems like he is seeking out something between us. Maybe he wants me to ease his pain?

I know his life is painful. I don' know the full extent of his pain, and frankly, I don't want all the technical details of his pain. I know his choices left him with a lot of bills and a family to provide for. I know he loves his family but doesn't get much in return. He feels stuck and unappreciated. He agonizes over being fat. He agonizes to such an extent that the mental sickness is worse than any physical ailment.

I don't think my brother understands that if he is going to get the things he wants, he needs to change, both physically and mentally. If he wants to be healthy, he can't agonize and suffer mentally.

I wanted to workout with him because I think the post workout chemistry would help him to relax and think clearly. It's my only effective technique for clearing up my own mood. I think if he moved, he'd enjoy it. I think moving would make him eat better and help regulate his appetite. It might not make him skinny, but I don't think he'd suffer as much. I know that on average, I don't suffer as much, regardless of what I look like.

And then today, I've been mulling over Daniel's commentary and although, I don't want to listen to most of it. Maybe he has a point? Maybe I do need to change more than I am. Maybe I'm not living as fully as I should? My current job is pretty sedentary and perhaps, I need to keep searching and live a little better.